You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
