Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You're like the curious george of whores
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
