no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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