Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Someone came in the potted fern
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
