I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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