She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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