My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
