and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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