New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
