Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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