I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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