if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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