eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
