is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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