Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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