my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
