Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize