It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
