Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
