Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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