Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize