when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
