Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
