Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
