Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
