If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
