Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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