this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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