hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
