drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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