I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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