You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
