There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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