So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
