I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
