I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize