Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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