i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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