Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
