I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
