I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
