well I can't set my house on fire every night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
