i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
