Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
