is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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