when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
