someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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