u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
