I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize