I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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