the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
