...so i touched it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
