How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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