Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
