so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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