There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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