hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
