you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
