im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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