I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize