Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
