Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Enjoy the penises
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
