Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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