Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
