On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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