All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
