Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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