Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
